Sunday, May 12, 2013


I had a dream that I had committed a hideous crime. Someone was murdered but I knew not who. Neither was I sure the victim was a man or a woman. All I knew was that I did the killing.

 I remember I used a pillow to cover the victim's face. I remember its desperate struggle for air, its strong resistance against my attack. Its  hard pushing and hitting at my arms continuously. Till its very last breath.

Now, the deep marks caused by its fingernails are clearly visible along the entire length of both my hands. The pain is annoying.

I remember dragging the body from the bed and putting it into a large black garbage bag. I dragged the bag out the front door of the house to my car. The street outside was completely deserted. Looking back over my shoulder, I realised that that wasn't my house from which I had just exited. Whose house was that, in which I had committed such a deplorable crime, I couldn't figure out.

 What was the reason for such an horrendous act, I simply had no clue.

The next thing I knew was that it was morning.  I was comfortably sleeping in my bed, in my home.

 There were several loud bangs on the front door. I crept out of bed, went to the window and peeped. As I lifted back the window curtain to have a better view, there at that instant came a severe pain in my arm. Immediately that brought back to my memory the killing  I did the night before.

 So, I guessed,  everything was real.

 So real.

From my window I could see five police officers dressed in darkest blue. Three of them were standing at my front door. The other two were examining my car, parked a few steps away. I noticed that one of them was attempting to open the booth with a jack. I remember I hid the body in the bag there. It was still there.

I didn't know what to do. Was it better to open the door or to run?

Before I could even think, my door was broken in and five officers stood before me with their pistols pointing at my head. I was pushed back against the wall.

One officer said something to me in an angry voice. I could hardly make out a word of what he said. As my eyes were glued to the window for I could see a body climbing out of the booth of my car.

Saturday, February 23, 2013


It is in the gathering of the faithful in the night before the procession,
 I see thousands of people reaching their hands out to touch the statue of Virgin Mary.

There are mothers, fathers and their children too
Many have come from afar. Like me, I do not belong here.
I am just passing through.

In fact, I am here in the city of Manila in the Philippines.
 Just wandering around the night market and quite by chance come upon
this magnifient cathedral built by the Spanish during colonial times.

Seeing the tears flowing down the cheeks of hundreds move one to tears as well.
I do not know why, though not much of a follower myself,
I just break down and cry.

A lady beside me says people come here tonight  for their blessings
People rich or poor, come without pride.
People kneeling to get in to get a glimpse of our holy mother
Such a joyful and wonderful sight.

That reminds me of a holy pilgrimage.
Far may one travel with one aim in mind.
To bow before the holy one despite the distance or the toil.

It could be the journey to Mecca
It could be the one to Santiago De Compostella
Could be the one to the birth place of Christ
Or even the one to the holy river of the Ganges
Whatever are your beliefs
Your blessings would be in abundance
Your prayers would be answered

I dare not doubt that as I watch the faithful here tonight.
I wish I am one.

Monday, February 18, 2013


If this is a dream I am in now
I don't want it to end
The reason is so plain
You are my only friend
When I awake next morning
Traces of my tears remain
For I know in this lifetime
I will not see you again.

True friends are hard to find
The reality in which I live now
Many come to watch you fail
Watch how low you can bow
Some that may come to help
You will understand why
So that they can despise you
So that they can watch you cry

If this is a dream I am in now
And you are with me still
I will try to stop the clock
And hold the night I will
The reason is so plain
I don't want this to end
For in this lonesome lifetime
You are my only friend.

Saturday, October 13, 2012


Just the other day I was listening to Maroon 5 singing a song about moving like Jagger. All at once I began to think it's about time we gave some credit to Mick Jagger and his group The Rolling Stones.

 Mick is truly exceptional. If you have been to a Rolling Stones concert you would understand. I was so lucky to have the chance to watch them 'live' in Singapore several years back.

The Rolling Stones are like a flame that was lit in the 60's and which had not been extinguished ever since. Just like the saying 'a rolling stone gathers no moss'. Watching them perform it seems that Mick and the rest of the Stones have never aged.

The Stones always bring back fond memories of my dad. He told me he once had a giant poster of Mike Jagger that said 'STOP DRUGS....JAIL THE FIRST STONE'.  He said Mick was always getting himself into trouble with the law and was never like John, Paul, George or Ringo, which to him were considered all right lads. Not Mick, he was like a black sheep in the family.

My dad said that during his time, his group of friends were so into folk music. So if whoever had a guitar then, it was everyone's expectation that he or she would strum and sing either '500 miles', 'A Place In The Sun' or 'Blowing In The Wind'. One day, when my dad brought a new friend along who played  and sang The Rolling Stones 'Jumping Jack Flash' , several of my dad's mates began to label his new friend a rebel.

After my dad died, I found in our store room a large chest that contained his record collection. The records were so well kept and there were quite some great Rolling Stones ones like Big Hits (High Tide and Green Grass), Aftermath, Let It Bleed, Sticky Fingers and Exile On Main St.

I always enjoy flipping through all these old albums and looking at the pictures on the covers. Just like reading a book, such wanderings would help me while away the lonesome hours.

I am proud to say  I still love listening particularly to the High Tide and Green Grass album. Well, you will never break a heart of stone, I guess.

All my favourites are in there: Time Is On My Side, As Tears Go By, Not Fade Away, Get Out Of My Cloud, Heart Of Stone, The Last Time, Play With Fire, Tell Me and of course that famous I Can't Get No Satisfaction.

To many fans, I suppose, the licking tongue logo of The Rolling Stones is more than just a fad,  it is a permanent craze. I was so happy when I received as a birthday gift one year a black tee with that logo on it.  I went round town wearing that to profess  I was a true fan of The Rolling Stones and not a poser.

Sometimes I  think Mick Jagger had in a way,  back in 1966,  made a prophecy of his group's everlasting popularity when he wrote these lines.........

'It is the evening of the day
I sit and watch the children play
Doing things I used to do
They think are new
I sit and watch as tears go by.'

Monday, September 24, 2012


I remember a rainy night a year ago. I boarded a coach at 8.30pm at Pudong International Airport in Shanghai, China. I was on my way to Hangzhou so I could take the Air Asia flight back to Malaysia the next day at noon.

I was so tired in the coach that I laid my head back to try to sleep. I couldn't as the driver was driving like he was attempting to beat the speed of light.

 Not only was he speeding recklessly, he was also honking at every vehicle that was in his way. I felt I was in a roller coaster either at Universal Studios, Hollywood or  Six Flags, San Diego.

 I looked out of the window just beside me. The rain was pouring down so heavily. I just prayed that the coach wouldn't skid in such speed. The highway was dark and so was the night.

 In the coach, a movie was starting to play.  Despite it being the legendary Bruce Lee in 'Enter The Dragon'. I was too worried about the way the driver was driving to actually concentrate on that movie.

 The coach was packed. Though my ticket had a seat number, it seemed useless as everyone was sitting as they liked on a first board first serve basis. So understandably, many arguments ensued among the passengers, being mainly of chinese nationals. As soon as Bruce Lee appeared on the telly screen with his lightning fists and kicks, everyone shut up and watched the action. I said to myself  "Hooray! Bruce Lee has stopped the commotion!".

I  glimpsed at my watch. It was 9.18. The journey from Shanghai to Hangzhou would take a little more than 3 hours. Though I was dead tired then, I still couldn't resort to sleeping as another worry came into my mind.

 I knew I would be arriving in Hangzhou at about midnight, but would the bus's last stop be in the vicinity of the city, where hotels would be located within walking distance from it, or some remote place along some deserted highway.

  Hangzhou was a place new to me and  I prayed I didn't have to carry my bags and walk around looking for lodging, at that hour of  the night in the rain. One could imagine how broad the roads are in China. I remember the road right in front of Tien An Men in Beijing. It has 10 lanes going in one direction and 10 in the other.

Also, not to mention the coldness too, it was actually 14 degrees C inside the coach, outside it might be around 9C or colder, I guessed.

Somehow or rather, I slept. I was surprised I slept all the way regardless of that action packed Enter The Dragon and the reckless coach driver. Fast as he was, we arrived safely. That was what mattered.

They say 'every cloud has a silver lining'. How true, when I woke up, the bus had reached its destination.

 It was twenty minutes past midnight, everyone on board had reached Hangzhou and it was still raining relentlessly. Everyone disappeared into the night as fast as a bullet. I was the last passenger to alight. And there, surprise!!  Not more than 50m away from where I was standing, was an entrance of a hotel!

 Drenched as I was from head to toes, I rushed into the hotel. A chinese lady of about 30 years old was sitting at the reception.. She didn't look at all pleased as I was soaking wet and water was dripping all over the carpet.

Nonetheless, I checked in.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


Your young adventurous soul
touched by a moment of majestic glory
A mysterious stranger falls for you at first sight
whose never ending praises only heightened your beauty

He is not a Greek philosopher he claims to be
though he ravishes mundane scenes of ancient history
Gallantly cool,  basely impressive
wittily romantic, ever so repulsive

You opt for a revolutionary
you get a missionary
Imposter on a quest
for the Holy Grail?

His secrets made you ill
you take it on yourself
You dare say now
believing comes so easy

Your open mindedness
bears no discrimination
When hands reach out for you
like a fool you rush to them.

Hi there, my innocent friend
the world has its illusions
reflected in a maze of dialectic dimensions
At times when I am confused
trusting my heart all ills shall be healed

So believe the one behind it all
always remember the arrangement of the seasons
After winter comes spring
and after summer comes fall

The joy to be loved, the fascination of romance
how young the world is, so why not take a chance?
Memorial conversations with sweet pledges exchanged
noble deeds but with different ends

One is humble, one is bold
beyond acts of submission, two destinies unfolded
Fallen angel with broken wings
how could you ever reach the boundaries of heaven again?

Stronger, you are than me, dear innocent friend
for my heart lies trapped within the hour glass of sand
My passion arises beyond my conservatism
my jealously demands its deserved liberalism

Where is my discipline?
my feelings illiterate
My education lost
for you my thoughts so engrossed

I live my life as you think
my identity becomes yours
Unreal, my dreams will remain till the end
like my wish to be innocent again.

Monday, June 25, 2012


Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see
It's getting hard to be someone, but it all works out,
It doesn't matter much to me........
(Strawberry Fields Forever - The Beatles 
 written by John Lennon)

If ever I were to pick the best song of The Beatles, from the several hundreds they have composed and recorded, I would most definitely without a doubt choose 'Strawberry Fields Forever' to be the best.

Paul Simon once said that it is not an easy song. It is not one that we could easily whistle, hum or even sing in the shower. So, what makes it so special and lasting? To me, it is always in the background of my mind throughout the years amidst thousands and thousands of songs from countless other groups whether old or new.

Come to think of it, the song has a profound meaning open for one's interpretation subjectively. I always wonder what John Lennon was thinking about when he wrote the line 'Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see'.

Did John literally mean that, as misunderstanding is all that we see in our life that it is easier to live with our eyes closed instead?

Or did he mean living is so easy with our eyes closed, thereby misunderstanding all that we see? In reality, that applies to many, especially when we were teens turning into adults. During those years, we live selfishly thinking only of ourselves without giving much consideration to others around our parents, relatives and even some dear friends too. Oblivious to everyone around, lost in a world of our own and nothing else matters. Some day when we get older, we could find ourselves miserably alone.

I once overheard a little kid asking his father 'Dad, where are your friends, don't you have any?' To that simple question, his dad just didn't know how to answer.

When John wrote the next line 'It's getting hard to be someone, but it all works out'.....a universal truth is written.

Really, it is not that easy to live our life. Everyday we have responsibilities and expectations of us from our loved ones, family and every individual we come into contact with. For instance, when one doesn't earn enough to pay for one's commitments, it is not easy really, to get by. And when one is married and doesn't earn enough to support a family, it is hard really, to get by.

Through it all, there is one consolation and to that John wrote...'but it all works out'.

How? Naturally or with the help of God, maybe. When you reflect on all the troubles you had been through in your life till today, just be damn grateful that despite them all, you are still standing!!